Our angel baby

On August 3, 2015, we discovered the best news. WE WERE PREGNANT! 

Crew was 11 months old, and we were pregnant. 
I cried, while Jaren laughed. We were so incredibly excited!!!

We began making plans to finish the basement and move things around to make room for the baby. I was constantly scheming about how I was going to take care of TWO babies just 19.5 months apart!!!

Almost immediately, we told family and friends. Which, looking back, is kinda odd because we didn't tell a single soul till I was 11 weeks along with Crew! This time, the Nelson's were first and they cried and we caught it all on camera with our selfie stick in a restaurant in Arizona!!!

But.

Just over three weeks ago, tragedy struck our family as we lost our baby at almost 11.5 weeks gestation. I can honestly say it has been one of the hardest experiences to endure. I had heard that little heartbeat, seen a tiny body on an ultrasound screen, and walked past and adored the fuzzy, black and white sonogram pics hanging on the fridge. 

Because I was fairly far along and because we were so excited, we told a LOT of people! It was humbling to have to tell friends and family the worst news. Why didn't we wait till it was "safe" to tell?! Then maybe the heartache wouldn't be so bad? 
Here's the good news: Because so many people knew, we had a ton of support!! So many other wonderful women have experienced this. My mom, sister, grandmas, aunts, sister in law, mother in law, cousins, visiting teacher, very close friends and countless others all offered their complete empathy. Some even showed up on my doorstep with flowers, candy, cookies, and pumpkin rolls! I know some people don't grieve like this, but I yearned for support and talking about it actually helped. Hearing their stories and asking questions was comforting to me.

October 15th was National Pregnancy, Infant Loss and SIDS Awareness Day. Now that a few weeks have past, I feel like I can share my story and maybe offer support to someone else. It helped so much and I know it eased our family's sadness! Why don't people talk about their miscarriages? Because it hurts. It ALL hurts!! Or because we might blame ourselves, or have feelings of inadequacy. But what about those families who go through this silently? Or repeatedly? Or never, ever carry successfully? Or experience infant loss? I think about baby boy Jade Nelson, who my husband's family lost due to SIDS, almost 28 years ago. How do we talk about these things?! How do we approach others who have experienced this??

This I know for sure: babies are the best thing in this entire universe. I know I'm young, and have hope that there will be more... But we wanted THAT baby, ya know? And some might say, it's just a miscarriage! But it wasn't. THAT baby was our living, growing son or daughter. Who, as Jaren reminded me, was too perfect to come to this earth. Without a doubt in my mind, I know that someday we will meet THAT baby. We will be reunited again through Jesus Christ, the Plan of Salvation, and the knowledge of eternal families. And that brings me the ultimate comfort and joy!!! My heart is truly full.